A preschool teacher asked his students to write a few sentences about the ocean as a warm-up exercise for learning. Here are the best of the bunch:

1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2. Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3. If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

4. Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5. A dolphin breaths through an ass hole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6. My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.(Millie age 6)

7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8. I like mermaids They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)

9. I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12. Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

13. On holidays my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her ass. (Jule age 7)