good thing about IB being over is that I now have more space to take care of myself.
but I'm quite scared. I feel like I gave up my opportunities because I'm going overseas, and that this is a huge mistake. Maybe God is protecting me, but let's not start on that track.
but I'm quite scared. I feel like I gave up my opportunities because I'm going overseas, and that this is a huge mistake. Maybe God is protecting me, but let's not start on that track.
♡V
♡V
I know a week from now I'll probably snort for feeling like this today,
but I'm breaking down from all the pressure and there's literally no one I know who can help me.
but I'm breaking down from all the pressure and there's literally no one I know who can help me.
♡V
♡V
For a long time now I've been very tempted to cut myself
I just don't because I will not respect myself for doing it
and there are people I know who have done it, and the last thing I want to do is be like them
If I cut, the problems I have becomes just like their problems.
My problems are NOT their problems, and my way of release will not be like theirs.
I will not let myself be trivialised into something tangible
Also, people cut because it is a call for help.
I don't need help. I can take care of myself very well. I just don't need other people coming into my life and making things difficult.
If I cut I'd send the wrong message.
Oh and by the way, I'm not very appreciative of the fact that the only thing my parents can talk about their kids is how my brother is such an amazing person- and he is, but- in contrast they make me out to be a complete whore because I have a boyfriend and I spend time with him. Lost.
♡V
I still can't get over it.
Do I have a reason to feel like this or is there something wrong with me?
I know he did it long before but is it truly unfair of me to judge him for it or am I completely lowering myself?
He doesn't seem to regret it. It's like to him, nothing happened but I can't come to terms with it.
I definitely can't bring this up; it will make me seem like a fool and it definitely will not help us.
I think this is something I will have to deal with, on my own, for the rest of my life.
No one can know about this because they will judge not just him, but me, and I can't let that happen.
I need to protect him, and I need to protect me.
I have made him too many promises to leave, and this does not compare to everything we've been through.
Is this worth it? Do I deserve better? If want to be with him so much, why do I keep asking this?
What am I truly afraid of?
What are my demons?
Do I have a reason to feel like this or is there something wrong with me?
I know he did it long before but is it truly unfair of me to judge him for it or am I completely lowering myself?
He doesn't seem to regret it. It's like to him, nothing happened but I can't come to terms with it.
I definitely can't bring this up; it will make me seem like a fool and it definitely will not help us.
I think this is something I will have to deal with, on my own, for the rest of my life.
No one can know about this because they will judge not just him, but me, and I can't let that happen.
I need to protect him, and I need to protect me.
I have made him too many promises to leave, and this does not compare to everything we've been through.
Is this worth it? Do I deserve better? If want to be with him so much, why do I keep asking this?
What am I truly afraid of?
What are my demons?
♡V
not sure if that was directed at me but whatever
[edit] unfollowed~
[edit] unfollowed~
♡V