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Monday, November 30, 2015

I like you and you're a great guy
but you remind me too much of the monster
we will never be close


♡V


my flatmate's father just passed from a heart attack and it's triggered an episode in me
it's not about me
it's not about me
it's not about me
there are bigger things to deal with today
breathe.


♡V

Thursday, November 19, 2015

I'm ready for a sort of closure and I hope you are too.
After months of questioning and bargaining with my thoughts
I've come to accept that sometimes
We cannot be with people we are so strongly connected to
The moment we first met we knew something was meant to happen
And maybe we took that for granted
But I don't want to think of you anymore
Because every thought of you is associated with pain
Of betrayal and hurt and desperation
And I'm ready to be loved
Loved the right way by someone who looks at me
And believes that he's so lucky to have me
Who believes that I'm someone that only comes once
And he would do anything to make me want to stay
I wish you'd seen that before
Or maybe you see that now
And maybe you might want to try again but I will say
No
No.
No.
Because when a burglar robs your house and destroys the foundation on which that home was built
And insists it was your fault you left the door unlocked in the first place
Then proceeds to mention how all the other houses are better than yours
Before asking to be invited as a special guest to tea
The answer is no.
Even after I find myself in a castle
And the community comes together to fix this broken abode
To make it look better than it was before
There will be moments when I will see through the fresh paint
And the brand new sofa
Or the shiny hob
Everything won't be the same
And most of all, I will remember to lock the door. 


♡V

Saturday, November 14, 2015

No more, okay?




♡V

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

Rough morning...
Too many thoughts and images in my head
A reminder of the many times the monster left to test if I would plead for him to stay
So much manipulation
Cruelty
I didn't deserve it
I did my best every single day
I would have done anything to keep him
Silly child, how about keeping your sanity?
Your good night's sleep?
Your sense of self?
I don't think I understand what love means
But I would give up that search to find myself
And a night without the voices and flashbacks telling me
You weren't worthy in the first place 


♡V

Tuesday, November 03, 2015

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.
Copy and pasted exactly as it is:

About Sabrina, yes, I guess I can see why people say you two are alike, both of you seem pretty serious about drama and theatre, though both of you are a bit at sea about what it really means to you and what it really is and are searching.  Both of you show great intelligence and potential but... how shall I put it, are unfortunate enough to have imbibed as much as you have already did.
Wah I didn't know you all had that dating history, aiyah this Ethan ah, ok lah he's a good chap, but terrible of him to keep comparing girls and say that she was the better choice, really not good.  He does carry a torch for her, I know because when I was actually trying to cast him in a film and was looking for a female lead and he literally was over the moon when I said maybe...Sabrina can do the part.  That itself is a bad reason to do the film for him man, not objective enough and he's putting personal feelings over a project.  So, yep, I'm familiar with Ethan raving over her.  Aiyah he's probably forgotten her now lah, he's a good chap.  People do get hung up about other people lah.
So she won't talk to you huh, awkward I guess, she acts a bit strange sometimes, I was talking to her about possibly doing the film, very early days, I hadn't even auditioned her and everything was up in the air when she suddenly cut off contact.  Don't know why, maybe she thought I was trying to get into her pants. (sigh, the perils of being a male director).  This was like, last year.  She doesn't know me lah, I don't mix art with all this relationship crap.  Aiyah can't blame her (perils of being a girl haha).
Yeah, do send me your play, be interested to read it.  Sabrina did send me something she wrote too, before she freaked, I told her what I thought about it, but didn't have time to really critique it, so it would be interesting to see what you wrote.  So you see, the two of you are similar haha!

woah, you just can't fucking get over her.


♡V

Monday, November 02, 2015

I'm starting to believe that whatever happens to me is my fault 


♡V


Some nights I feel like I could drift off to death and nobody would care 


♡V