Thursday, November 16, 2006
BAD NEWS! The human race is DOOMED! Everyone is turning into BLONDES!!!
In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. (What about a HURRICANE?)
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU. (Really?)
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE. (Thanks, I WILL.)
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. (Why? Is there a Leak?)
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. (Why not? They won't die...)
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET. (Right...)
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END. (Thanks for the help.)
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL? (Do I need a bowl for that too?)
10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. (And how do I do that?)
11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
♡V