Tuesday, November 23, 2010
was just checking out random articles for fun and most articles, I notice, never answer the question or even help.
oh and do you guys notice that when kids stop eating it's because they really are full? So they leave loads of stuff on their plate because they don't want to eat anymore. but for us adults and teens we just keep eating until everything is finished. it's actually habitual. omg what happened to us right.
and I was thinking why the hell would I ever do that and then I remembered that when I was young I wouldn't finish my food once (I think) and then my dad told me that people in other countries don't even get food to eat and I really should be grateful. And he showed me this article on how this girl's family was so poor that all she ate was 2 spoonfuls of rice for dinner in order to save money for the family and I should be thankful that I don't have to go through that.
and my mom told me that when my dad was young his family was extremely poor that all they ate everyday was rice with soy sauce or rice with pepper. like WHAT. not dishes. and when my grandfather earned enough to buy fish to steam, my dad pretended not to like fish so his family could eat more. and that must have been the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life because my dad loves fish like crazy and I've never seen anyone clean a fish the way my dad does. probably to make up for all those days of no-fish-ness. now he lets me eat all the fish so I can grow or something like that. I know I should be nice and give him fish but I eat it anyway xD
I'm such an asshole.
and then I think another time I didn't wanna eat and my dad got so fed up he told me that I can't play or watch tv until I clean up my entire plate.
and another time, my mom told me the amount of food left on my plate is the amount of pimples my husband was going to get. then I told her I'm not getting married and she said "well in that case you'll get the pimples" and that seriously freaked me out. how old was I, 6?
and another time I think my dad ordered too much at a restaurant, and all of us really couldn't eat another bite, and my dad just ate everything up and I asked my mom why my dad is never full. she told me that my dad is extremely full, he's just forcing himself to eat everything so we don't waste the food and then she reminded me of the poor people who have nothing to eat and how I should be grateful.
and I was about to ignore her when she told me the story of my dad again. WTF. total guilt trip.
I swear seeing my dad eat everything by himself, I think everyone knows that if there's one thing I can't stand is seeing people eat alone, and seeing my dad eat everything really scared the shit out of me.
it's like force feeding. like pure torture. the way the Japanese would force water into people and then sit on them. just wrong.
so I think all the events just struck me and I finished all my food from then on. that's why when I eat with anyone you guys always see me finish my food, and when I know I can't I just don't eat at all. or I sell it. or trade it. or bring it back for my brother.
and I think it's really good habit to have, but what really sucks is that I used to take more than I can finish so I'd force myself to eat everything and that's how I got fat. and I think just a few years ago my mom just got so scared of her daughter being such a pig she told me that I didn't have to finish my food if I didn't want to, but I was just so scared of pimples and having my dad eat them or wasting or whatever that I still did it anyway.
When I go out with anyone and I don't eat it's probably because these kinds of memories really hit me at that moment and I'm so disgusted so I don't buy anything because it just freaks me out?
I'm still trying to break the habit.
like today my mom left loads of food for me to eat
and I really couldn't eat any more, so I called her and she told me to leave the food and she'll handle it
but I think she knew that I knew she was going to throw it away (she doesn't tell me she'll throw it away because she knows I'd rather force it down my throat) so after I hung up I forced myself to finish everything. it was an extremely horrible experience.
and a lot of people know I can't puke, I can't purge as well. what a curse.
so all the food just stays in me.
no the bright side the food she cooked was really healthy, like salmon and steamed tofu-egg and broccoli (of which the calories used to digest it is more than the calories itself) so I don't feel so bad.
in Bago I saw the kids being really hungry and quite stunted in their growth because they had insufficient food. this boy Christian (I don't know how to spell it but it sounds like it) was smaller than my 6 year old cousin. He was 12. and then I was sitting with a group of SOTA kids and NONE of them finished their food because "it was their habit" and I almost screamed at them.
oh did I mention I was the fattest person who went to Bago City. No kidding.
and I don't know how I'm EVER EVER EVER gonna drop the habit because I'm pretty much scarred.
and not eating just screws your metabolism. so yeah.
I'm screwed.
♡V