whenIfirsttrieditbutthenIrealisedIactuallyhadachanceandthenitdawnedonmethatthiswasmyshotandtheofficialstatisticswere80%andthenthenextthingIknowit'sloadsandloa
dsoftrialanderrorandI'mstillwaitingfraresultandmaybeit'soutIjustdon'tknowitbutreallyit'squitehardnottothinkofitbecauseIdon'tthinkanyonehasanyideahowmuchthismean
stonowanditfeelslikeIwasjustbeinghappyorhopefulfornothingImeanobviouslythey'dchoosethetallhotbodovershortfatuglymeandsomuchforseeingsomethinginmeifthepr
oducerscan'tbutheyontheflipsideatleastitwasareallygoodexperienceyouknowmeetingupwiththeothersandworkingwiththembutreallyI'dmuchpreferifIwasofficiallyselecte
dandmaybeshehasn'ttoldmeyetI'dbequitemadifshedidn'ttellmebutI'mhappyforheraswellImeansheneedsthemoneymorethanIdokindofbutIneedtheexperienceandopportuni
tymorethanshedoesshehashermomtosupportherforchrissakesbutI'mallonmyownandIneedmyparentstobeproudofsomethingwhichbringsmetotheclasspartyihavemanyreas
onswhyileftbutreallythemainreasonwhyileftisbecauseisureashellwasn'tenjoyingmyselfandnotbecauseofwhatIclaimedtotheothersbutbecauseafterseeingtisaitjustsnappedi
nmyheadthatI'vehadenoughofskinnypeoplearoundmeandIdefinitelyhavehadenoughofbeingthefattestoneinclasssincegodknowswhenlikemyentirelifehonestlymanwhen's
thelasttimeIwasskinnierthansomebodyelsefuckneverandI'mjustreallysickofitIswearthosepeopledon'tevenworkhalfasmuchasIdotogettothisstageandIthinktheonethingthat
reallystartledmewasthefactthattheysaidthatIhadn'tchangedabitandthattotallyscaredtheshitouttamebecauseI'vebeenworkinglikemadsince'08noonecandenythatIhopeIreally
hopeandIcan'tbelieveIwassostupidtobelievethatIactuallyhadslimmeddownoverthepastyearsImeanmymom'satotalliaralmosteveryoneisandmyheighthasn'tchangedbutIpu
tonabout3to5kgfromp6likelasttimeIwasabou39.5andnowhgodknowshowheavyIwayandit'sreallybotheringmeyesIknowsomepeoplearebornfatanduglybutI'msososososu
reIcanbeskinnyIjustneeedtobegiventhespaceandtimeandmoneytoachieveitandI'mnotreferringtosurgeryI'msoseriousintermsofhairofcourseIcanalwaysshaveitbutI'malways
soscaredy'knowlikewhathappenswhenitgrowsbackorsthomgokaymaybethatIcandealwiththeconstantupkeepbutmybodysizeandfuckmyabfyesmybestfriendabftoldmethat
atthebbqtheyweretalkingaboutmeandthatreallyfreaksmeoutImeanmaybeit'sagoodthingbutreallybesidesmyfuglycomplexionandquitemessedupbodyshapeandsizetheplau
siblereasonwhyIdidn'twanttogoforthegatheringisbecauseIreallyhavenothingtoshowtootherslikedlthasthewholehayImmabeapilotthinggoingonandtheotherswelljustskin
nyaseverandnicoisgoingtoaustraliaandabfandhisfrenchitalianwhateverandotherpeoplehavejobsandIhavenothingtoshowexceptthatIgainedlotsofweightandstilldon'thaveaj
oboramoviedealoramstillintheprocessofchasingmydreamsanddeepdownIhaveafeelingthatthey'resohappyI'mnotsucceedingandthey'retalkingtomssawaboutitImeanmssa
womgthatwomanreallybelievesinmeIthinkandIhopeandIcan'tevenmakeherproudofmeforasecondandbringingmybrotherwassuchabadideabecauseIhavetoentertainhiminst
eadofargagraejblajernaljustquitepissednowandsensitiveandvulnerableIthinkthat'swhatI'mfeelinghaven'tfeltthiswayinawhileandIthinkimmastartontokafterwatcingbbtto
makemefeelbetterxoxobye
♡V