 |
| there's a light of each end of this tunnel you shout 'cuz you're just as far in as you'll ever be out |
It's so hilarious how events unfolded from May to August, from not even knowing his name to knowing one of his largest secrets.
and I think not working with him after such intense rehearsals and performances must have been one of the hardest things I've had to go through so far, because he really was fun to horse around with.
He always comes into my mind when I think of how I want my life to be, because I want his life.
I would state his name but that might be quite revealing.
I'm always comparing myself to him because I think he's incredible.
Started off in athletics, made it onto the ASEAN team, can play a few instruments, sang in a professional choir, hosted for a local radio station, and other small cool details like he can recite the pledge in tamil, he can play the hardest drum rhythm, he imitates people well.
And he's smooth. Character wise.
Just like my dad, he knows how to work with people.
Sounds like a lot on his plate, but he barely seems stressed and always smiles.
He's 20.
Basically his life seems perfect (well from what I've stated, his life seems absolutely marvelous)
and I feel so envious of him and I think his life is great and I really really want to lead it.
In my state of jealousy of course I say something like "there definitely is something God didn't let him have"
and then I remembered,
his mom passed away when he was a kid.
A mother has got to be the greatest gift a child could ever have,
and he had to grow up without one.
karma-wise, all his achievements are like compensation for the loss of his mother.
He made it onto the ASEAN team, and his mom wasn't there to see it.
He can play a few instruments, and his mom wasn't there to hear it.
He sang in a professional choir, and his mom couldn't attend.
He hosted for a local radio station, and his mom wasn't there to listen every Saturday morning.
and this got me thinking,
sure I'd love to do everything he can do, but how much of it is worth not having my mom around?
what if tomorrow my mom disappeared and over the next few years I got everything he had?
How can I live with all my achievements knowing that I gave my mom up for them?
and this totally destroys me
because I value being worth something to myself as much as having my mom around.
what if I end up being a good for nothing, with nothing to show my mom?
what if my mom is never proud of what I do?
Would I still choose my mom over my friend's life?
The devil tells me she's just one person.
With all the things I can do without her, so what if she isn't there, think of how many people I can influence and inspire.
Think of how invincible I can be with that amount of talent.
The thing is my friend is brilliant, he just doesn't know it, and if he did and really pushed himself, he would be phenomenal.
I know if I had what he has I would definitely use it so much better.
All the fame and fortune, for one simple exchange: my mother.
She's just one person but I'd never trade her for the world.
Did I just type that?
There are only a few people in my life
(and I really mean a few)
whom I would NEVER EVER trade for the world.
And I never knew my mom was one of them.
I'm always thinking of friends, and I forgot one of the most important figures in my life.
Without her, I'm nothing.
Without her, I'm NOTHING.
WITHOUT HER, I'M NOTHING.
Every single day I pray that one day she will be proud of me.
It's so scary how much she affects me without even trying.
♡V