I'm going fucking crazy because my emotions are taking over and frankly I'm really tired of reeling them in.
WhydoIkeepfeelinglikethis

So next week is going to be hell.
I know I'm going to fuck myself over regardless of whether I do it or not,
but if I don't hit below 40kg before Saturday, FUCKMYLIFE.
I'll go for fucking surgery because I'm sick of myself.
And no amount of surgery is going to make up for all the skill I lack as a performer
And I've gotten out of this emotional and psychological rut before so I know I can
but for now I'm just really deep in, and I can't bring myself to watch The Middle Place because I can't bear to see myself ruin a piece I worked so hard and felt so much for.
SO MUCH FOR.
I can't believe I let my parents watch UMW, no wonder why they don't want me to have an arts education.
Like fuck I deserve it, like fuck.
Thank God they never watched my performances, because if I were them, I wouldn't be able to last, and the more I watched the more I'd do everything in my power to make sure my daughter doesn't go down the road to fucking failure.
Maybe I wouldn't feel this bad if I actually looked better.
Whenever I watch shows that are complete shit, I comfort myself with the fact that I get some eye candy.
I have absolutely nothing to give to the audience. Nothing.

Sometimes I wish he didn't do theatre, because I'm so damn sure, so fricking sure that this special thing we have in common is going to be the reason why this relationship is not going to work. Either I die of jealousy or depression.