I guess I should just get this out.

I don’t really know what to do or how to feel. Or maybe I know what to do but I don’t want to do it.
I’m so tired of dating y’know. So fricking. Tired.
Because it’s the same cycle again and again:
I meet someone who makes me feel cherished and then they choose to leave
I’m starting to think the problem is me.
And if it is, I don’t really want to fix it. I’m stubborn that way, and painful, and difficult, and all the bad things that make people want to go.

Seems like no matter how hard I try, people are always gonna leave.
So I’m tired of trying y’know? Just so tired.
And I don’t know if I’m reaching or settling anymore and I just don’t want to care about it.
I’d rather just get into some crazy mental depressive state and eventually die than put in the effort to fix it.

People leave.
People leave.

And there’s nothing I can do about it.

But I wish I had the strength to not try to get them to stay.
Let them go, move on, live alone, be the person that can’t keep a man lol
I regret. Making him stay.
Because now I know I’m weak and i’ll always be on the losing end
Or maybe I’m strong because I put my ego aside lol
Who knows anymore
I can’t tell

Can you?